Peace
by Ethereal Juliet
Summary: Spoilers for the manga up to chapter 94. The waiting ends on Tuesday, and this fanfic is jut to ease the bitterness of an ending that we know won't look like this.


- And what am I now

**Notes: This fanfic was finished in a rush, in a computer that is not mine, in a langauge that is not mine... and in Japan, a country that obviously isn't mine either. I hope all the mistakes can be forgiven :) Even though this is not a songfic, I can't deny that it was definetely inspired by the song 'Lovers Dream' by Anna Ternehim. You should listen to it. It fits this couple just perfectly. If you do, please let me know if you liked the song. Obviously her music and The Hellsing manga are not mine.**

Integral gazed outside the window at the uninhabited area that London had become. It was just for a short period, the Queen had assured her, in which it was her work, and the work of what was left of her organization, to clean the mess that Millenium had left. To erase any possible treat, any freak remained, so a whole country and mostly this city could move on.

She tried not to think too much about the seriousness of Her Majesty's expression, of the feeling that, even if the war had been won, it had been at a too high price. If she hold any grudge against her own government and the task that they had left to her as they stood in a safe area away from London, she had been able to hide it from herself. Actually, she had forced herself not to think. Not to feel the loss of the ones that had accompanied her for so many years. Killing was an easier job. No questions, just firing an arm at the few scattered monsters that were still left. She liked it better that way. She could not allow herself to mourn now, because she might just realize how much indeed she had lost, how lonely she really felt in a job that had always been supposed to be lonely.

But in these moments, inside a small house they had chosen to be the quarters for the time being, she couldn't escape herself. She almost wished that someone would attack her and she could pour her frustrations in a single shot. But the night seemed quiet, and Seras had offered herself to look around for any treats. She had just run away. Lately they couldn't be in the same room quietly. They had seen too much together, and the temptation to break down in front of the police girl was too much for Integral. yes, it was better that she was not there at the moment.

And then she felt it in the room. A presence she should've been accustomed to, and indeed the lack of it had been painful. Maybe it had been the thing she had most tried to avoid thinking about. The fact that her servant was no longer by her side should have been nothing to her. Oh, but she knew deep inside that it meant everything...

She looked behind her shoulder and finally turned around. There he was. The vampire stood, after months of disappearance, in front of her. The smug expression on his face only proved it to be him. But something was different. Or maybe she herself had changed. Did it matter?

My, my, you do seem melancholic, my Master- he laughed at her, just as he had always done. No, this could not be possible, he had _faded_...

Reality was becoming foggy, evanescent and un-tangible. She felt dizzy and placed her hand on the stone wall to regain balance. The world and her mind seemed to contract and expand simultaneously as the nausea tried to overtake again. The feeling of hopelessness, of a void, had only been intensified by the appearance of an old character in this game she had been playing. Somehow it just didn't feel _right_ to carry on the same routine. The rules had changed, shifted and turned her world upside down again.

And the words that came out of her mouth also seemed out of place, and out of time.

- You disobeyed an order, Alucard- she said, trying to remain calm- I told you not to disappear. I _ordered_ you not to-

He chuckled softly and made an overly solemn reverence for her, holding his head down- I'm so sorry, Sir Integral, I assure you it will not happen again-

She turned around and lowered her eyes towards the flame in the chimney. Maybe he was not there. Maybe he might just go away… away as everything else…

But she could still feel his presence, coming closer towards her.

- And what do you plan to do now, Master? What are your orders?-

She stood there silently. For once, she couldn't bring the words out. Did "search and destroy" mean anything by now? Did the Hellsing name mean anything at all?

He could feel her emotions, the trouble in her mind. The confussion. Because he himself had been trough confusion, one so strong that had threatened to consume him.

She turned to face him again, finally drawing to her lips the question she had wanted to ask- How did you manage to come back?- It came out as a mere whisper, weakened by the emotions she was holding.

Then he was kneeling in front of her. _Just as when he had impaled all her enemies in London, for her, only for her..._ She trembled slightly.

- You still don't see it, Integral?- his eyes locked with hers and she held his gaze even if it felt too strong. As if she stood bare in front of him - Only you, only your essence has helped me find myself- her eyes widened as she listened to him. – I followed the traces of your blood- his face grew dangerously close to hers. Far too close for a servant. But again, was that word applicable to him? – My Master, you've brought me back-

She tried to maintain her tone, but her voice seemed to grow more unstable with each word –You... you haven't drank blood since...?- And yes, the images of their farewell, surrounded by the corpses and the decay of London was still too fresh in her mind.

He looked up to her smiling softly – I shall not drink any blood that is not yours, Sir Hellsing- he then lowered his gaze again, burying his face in her knees, hugging her legs faintly- Integral, the screams are gone...You've made the other voices grow quiet, and it is only your image that lingers in my mind...-

Silence again. Integral bit her lip. Too much. This was just too much for her mind. Again denying him her blood as she should have done by her old regulations seemed pointless. Everything had changed.

She reached to the pocket were she had left it. Yes, a little dagger. Just in case firearms didn't work. Just in case she would face the chance of being made into a monster. Just a reminder of the fact that she could just slit herself and get out of this game whenever she wanted to. A dagger that no one, not even Seras (even though she suspected that she had known all along), knew that she possessed. Because Integral Hellsing could never just feel her mission was worthless, right?

She was not careful with herself. This was no moment of tenderness. The blood from her arm flooded freely, painful and deep red. Yes, a fact that proved that this was, at least, real.

- Drink- she commanded, and she lowered herself to the floor kneeling in front of him offering her wrist- A drained vampire is not useful to this organization-

He chuckled softly at words they both knew were only routine, for the look in her eyes expressed so much, so much more than the mere utility of this single act. He accepted the blood, first lapping at it with his tongue softly, and then lowering his whole mouth to the wound, sucking at the source of salvation she was offering him. Integral felt dizzy again. She didn't know if it was because of the situation she was in, because of the loss of blood, or because of the feeling of his lips on her skin. She heard herself moaning softly at his actions and met the eyes that looked up at her, partly hidden by the darkness of his hair. Before she could protest, he stopped. He rested his forehead against hers and thanked her in a whisper. They stood there, eyes closed, for seconds that seemed never-ending.

What was wrong with her? What was she _supposed_ to do? She tried to call her rationality back, but it was gone. She realized that maybe it had been weeks since she had lost it.

He could feel her doubts, and sighed, an unusual sound coming from a vampire. He opened his eyes and looked into hers.

- Integral, we have been playing for so long... And what am I now? A Count without no one to command? And you, a royal knight whose queen has abandoned her?- He closed his eyes and wore a smile that, for once, didn't have a sarcastic tint to it- Face it, my master, the world for which rules were useful is gone- his fingers traced the back of her neck slowly, drawing circles on her skin as they went down to her back- I have been in this world enough to come to terms with what and who I am- his smiled twisted upwards slightly, but she could not find malice in it.- But can _you_ do that, Sir Hellsing?-

She hesitated only for some more seconds before something inside her seemed to break and she pressed her lips to his. God, she had been waiting for so long... She had always expected any touch between them to be harsh, violent, and almost painful. Painful and maybe too addicting, and she had avoided it as much as she could. But she was surprised by the way her own body seemed to flow and mold itself into his, of the way answering to his touch and kissing him back didn't feel so much as a defeat as she had thought. Or maybe she was just too weak, too wounded to fight herself anymore. The fire cracked beside them and she sighed into his mouth as his hands, slightly warmed by the heat of the fire, found their way under her shirt to lay on her waist and her own dealt with the buttons of his ragged clothes, craving to feel the marble skin against her own.

Titles and categories faded into the warmth as she lowered them both to the floor and their bodies moved against the rug, limbs entwined in a bond that matched the one of their blood, and Integral could only thank God that this nightmare was over...

The resonance of her names in his lips; a constant, and she answered him as a reassurance of his own existence, soft whispers in the dark room only illuminated by the fire. He was the same and yet not, and she was sure she had never felt him so human even if his personality remained the unaltered, as the hours went by and finally the color of his eyes, opened between kisses to gaze at her, stabilized and regained their bloody red that she recognized as his.

The world could wait. And so could their duty. They lay by the fire, eyes closed and skin close enough not to left an inch untouched, enough to reassure them both of who they were, who they had become, and of the content that was all that seemed to matter anymore. Integral finally felt at ease. Peace had been regained.

Seras returned to the house, sure now that both of her masters were asleep. She had been careful enough not to interrupt them, and was glad that she had. Even as Pip filled her mind with not so respectful comments and laughter about the situation, she knew he felt the same way she did. The circle had been closed. They were finally home.


End file.
